Monday, July 20, 2009

dear Tivo, please die

I have problems with the way people watch TV these days.

I've said before that i don't believe in Tivo. I think it robs viewers of the communal aspect of watching TV on a schedule.

This was an easy perspective to have because up until now, I've never had a Tivo, so i didn't have to worry about it. Ii never had a chance to utilize or even enjoy its many features.

But the other night, my mom's boyfriend came in and said, "American Gladiators is on at midnight."

It was 12:43.

"It's okay, I'll get you the Season Pass," which, if you are not familiar, forces Tivo to record every airing of a particular show for the rest of eternity or until I shut it off, whichever comes first.

So last night we discovered not one, not two but THREE (American Gladiators is on three times a day!!!!) episodes waiting in the "queue" (another aspect of Tivo I don't support - British English).

We sat down to enjoy what was a "tournament of champions" episode, and who was playing but my favorite-ever gladiator, Rico Constatino. my friend Mark and I have an inside joke about Rico and I wanted to utilize another modern invention, my cell phone, to text him and tell him our boy was playing.

"You can't do that. this is pre-recorded, don't forget," Dale informed me.

So there you go. I wanted to be able to share this experience with someone, and I couldn't, because they were not at the same television console as I. Bullshit.

Another thing that bugs me, which didn't exist before I left for prague, is the prevalence of online venues for viewing TV shows. Why even bother sitting down to watch TV every night? You can go on nbc.com, or hulu.com, or whatever and find last night's episode.

For example, everyday I have been sitting down around 4pm to watch the Tonight Show from the previous evening. what was I doing last night at 11:35? Nothing. Actually, probably watching old episodes of the Office, or maybe playoff hockey games from this season.

The Pens won the 2008 Winter Classic, so that's cool.

Anyway, there seems to be no reason for TV to even have a regular schedule anymore. can't we go back to the days when we all gathered round the TV and shared some quality time?

OK, back to Conan.

Friday, July 17, 2009

America v. America

Now that I've returned to the land/home of the free/brave, and because i don't currently have a job per se so i have a lot of free time on my hands, i've been considering what I'm returning to. Is the America of July 2009 better, worse or more or less the same as the America of August 2007? Have I upgraded or downgraded? Let's consider the facts.


Economy: I did some reading up on comparing the financial climate now to two years ago, and basically it was shitty then and it's shittier now. Also, two years ago i had a job and currently I'm unemployed.

verdict: DOWNGRADE.


Government: I don't care who you voted for in last years election, I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief now that GWB is out of office.

verdict: UPGRADE.


Late Night Television: Conan on an hour earlier? Means I don't have to feel like I'm getting old because I can't stay up to watch Late Night. also, Andy is back! Sadly, after watching some of the shows, i'm wondering if Conan has lost his edge. I guess we'll need more time to give him a fair review, but some of the jokes are pretty terrible. And Jimmy Fallon's worst career move ever was leaving SNL. quit wasting my time.

verdict: EVEN MONEY.


Celebrity Deaths: of course there's MJ. we'll be bereft of not only a musical genius, but also of the endless stream of jokes at his expense. also, i'm still not 100% convinced that Alan Alda is alive.

verdict: DOWNGRADE.


Beer: Upon returning to the cradle of socialization, Oakland, I learned that most of the establishments that used to offer $1 beers have upped their asking price to $1.50. Gone are the days of a night out for less than $10. And legislators have done nothing to remedy the archaic alcohol laws in this state: I still can't walk down to the 7-11 to get a beer, and I can't walk down the street with an open container. how in the world am i supposed to be drunk all the time?

verdict: DOWNGRADE.


Personal Effects: Two years ago when I moved away, I packed up most of my clothes and books to be stored in my mom's attic. At the time I figured I'd probably never touch most of those things again, that they would stay up there for twenty or thirty years and then my kids would find them and go "you used to wear THAT?" and we'd all have a good laugh and then i'd say something weird and crazy and pee my pants because by then hopefully i'll be senile. BUT, after unpacking all said belongings, i realized it's things i forgot i owned by I'm so glad I do! I found my Kordell Stewart jersey circa 1996, some sweet pajama pants, red rain boots and enough fleece blankets to build a badass living-room fort. It's like Christmas for free.

verdict: UPGRADE.


Mom and technology: Two years ago, my mom was essentially living in the year 1993. She had no idea about the internet, very little information about computers, had just got her first cell phone and didn't even have a debit card.

Tonight, however, I realized that she has learned how to text message. I'm proud of her but frankly it's a little bit of a pain in the ass; she texted me three times in a span of like 20 minutes tonight while she was at work asking about when I am free to get my hair cut.

verdict: DOWNGRADE.


Shaq: In August 2007, Shaq was gearing up for another season with the Miami Heat. In the previous season he had reached the milestone of 25,000 career points, but saw the Heat swept by the Bulls in the playoffs.

Now, however, in the summer of 2009, things are looking up. Even though he's super old (like 59), you know he and Lebron are going to crush peoples souls in Cleveland. Also, this year Shaq, like the rest of the world, discovered Twitter, letting not a day go by without gems such as "Oh lance armstrong i challenge you to a time trial anytime anywhere, i dnt smell fear do i, smmmm smmm dats the sniffn sound."

verdict: UPGRADE.


OVERALL ASSESSMENT:

After using my calculator machine to add up all the variables and hypothesizing with my very scientific method of evaluation, it looks like it's about even. America today is just as wonderful, or shitty, as it was two years ago. But if there's one thing we all should have learned from the Wizard of Oz, there's no place like home. I'd take a comparably shitty America over a normal or even above-average Europe.

Anyway... I'm glad to be back.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

girl talk playing tonight at the smash club

girl talk is coming back to pittsburgh on July 31, and thanks to my favorite pittsburgh boy coming up with a very thoughtful birthday gift, i'm gonna be there. i am brimming with the proverbial excitement, as the show i attended of his back in the summer of '07 was one of my favorite concert-going experiences ever.

girl talk has a special place in my heart for many reasons, most importantly because he is from pittsburgh. i did some cursory google-riffic research on him and he also seems like good people (though i would expect nothing less from a pittsburgher.) Greg Gillis was a biomedical engineering student turned researcher who did music as a weekend gig, never expecting it to take off the way it did.

he's a support of ALL music and has the utmost respect for the artists whose work he reinterprets. and hell, he bought Taco Bell for everyone at his May , 2008 show at Mr. Small's. what more could you want from a person, let alone a concert-going experience?

i also know a little bit better now how difficult it is to do what he does. thought it seems on the surface like he's merely taking other people's hard work and mashing it up, it's really a pretty intense creative process and technically very difficult.

i made friends with a guy in Prague who DJed the occasional set at a bar we used to frequent called Blind Eye. he did other shows around Prague but I only ever saw him at the BE. he gave my roommate and i once a rough tutorial on the program and equipment he uses to DJ, and it is hella complicated.

mash ups might be easy to do, but they seem insanely difficult to do well, and nearly impossible to do like Girl Talk does them.

and not only is he a talented artist, he's a unique performer. as he professes, it's not very interesting to watch a guy on stage clicking a mouse. since that's all he needs to do to produce the music for each show, he adds to it by going nuts onstage. he jumps in the crowd, brings the crowd onstage, strips down to his underwear...

the show i attended two summers ago was unreal. i didn't know what to expect, and as soon as the first notes boomed from the amps, the entire crowd broke out into the craziest, most perfect dance party ever. and it never lost energy.

the show this summer is at the Amphitheater at Station Square, which is a drastically different venue than Mr. Smalls; must less intimate, because of both size and the fact that it's outdoors. I'm not sure how Girl Talk's show will translate to an outside venue as I've never seen him at a festival.

the show is on July 31, and i believe the opening acts are "friends" including Wiz Khalifa and Don Caballero. I think the tickets are like $20 which, trust me, is totally worth it. see you there!