Wednesday, January 16, 2008

i want to be a toys r us kid

i have no idea what i'm doing with my life, and i love it.

i spent a lot of time worrying about what i was going to "do" after college, which is how i ended up in prague. it was something to "do." fortunately it was a good decision, but when i made it, i didn't really want to do it. it just gave me something to tell people. it was plans.

then i spent a lot of time worrying about what i was going to "do" when prague was over. going back to school, getting a job, moving to DC. i was basically wishing away the days until july when i could get on with my life.

but i'm not sure i want to get on with my life anymore. i don't really care what comes next, and it feels awesome. if i go to DC, good. but i'm not worried about starting school right away. i think i spent way too much time in the last few years worrying about these type of things and it made me really unhappy.

but it makes me really happy to think that i could spend a few years here. or i could maybe be working in an entirely different city in europe or asia or wherever at this time next year. but the point is i don't know right now. i don't feel any pressure to live up to expectations or do something sensible or get a job where i'll make enough money not to have to eat rice and peas for dinner.

i think too many people worry about whats next, but what's the point? i guess this time in prague has made me realize exactly what it means to be 23 years old, and that there's really an "only" in front of that.

i don't feel like growing up yet.

No comments: